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Si tratta di famiglia: It’s all about family Sharing Memories of Blanche Rina DeMeo Santaniello

photo provided At 96 years young, Blanche Santaniello poses with her daughter Carol for a photo catching her smile, personality, and always having a sense of fashion and humor.

photo provided For Blanche Santaniello, life was an adventure and she lovingly shared it with life long friends and family.

Tuesday March 19, 2013

By Cookie Steponaitis

When Blanche Santaniello left this earth on Christmas morning 2012 she was ninety eight years and eight months old and not one of her family was in any doubt of the life she had lived or the legacy of love and family she left behind.

Blanche's parents Alfonso DeMeo, who died in 1958 and Alesandrina Benevento DeMeo, who died in 1979, were born in Volturara Irpina, Italy where they married and moved to the United States on their honeymoon to begin a new life in 1913.  They came by ship to New York City as first class passengers which is a source of family pride and as the result directly by-passed the steerage immigrant requirements at Ellis Island.  She is survived by many first, second and third cousins from both sides of her family in her home village in southern Italy.  Her parents returned to Italy only once in 1950 and Blanche returned to the village four times and her offspring continue to visit.

    Blanche was born in Newburgh, New York on April 1, 1914 and she and America came of age together in an era of unprecedented change, technological and cultural revolutions and transitional shifts in the roles of individuals and America itself. She did not speak English until she went to public school. After high school Blanche worked at Kresge's Dollar Store in Newburgh in the underwear department and often referred to the sales and management training she experienced there.  She married her childhood friend and sweetheart Chrish Santaniello and moved to Port Washington in 1938.  Her daughter Carol Spencer shared this story of their courtship.  “My parents played together as children growing up in the summer. Port Washington has great beaches. So in addition to having family and friends there the attraction was to spend time swimming and picnicking and eating and eating and eating. When my father was sixteen and my mother was fourteen my father slipped my mother a note as the family left to return to Newburgh.  It said, ‘I like you more than a little.  Will you write to me?’  That was the beginning of a ten year courtship that preceded their marriage.”

    Blanche was greatly impacted by the Great Depression as were many Americans.  She grew up without many resources and  shared with  her children that it was a big deal to have a dime each day in high school with which to buy a piece of pie after eating her homemade lunch. The lessons of frugality were not forgotten and passed on to her children. “Throughout my life at home, let me tell you, there was NOTHING wasted – EVER!” emphasized daughter Carol Spencer. “Grass clippings and leaves were composted and this was in the 50’s way before it was popular, plastic and paper bags showed up folded or washed and dried for re-use for just about anything you can think of, every shred of unusable clothing was shredded for rags, stale bread became stuffing or meatloaf, old towels became hand-sewn potholders, worn out beach chair canvas became Jones Beach wind-breakers and sewn with stakes and I could go on.”

Blanche moved back to Newburgh when her husband enlisted during World War II and her mother and sister helped her raise her first-born Bonnie. She and her first cousin Rina DeMeo Lombard worked as writers and proof-readers for the Newburgh News.  And, in addition to their other duties they wrote the weather.  If they didn't know what it was going to be like they looked out the window and described what they saw. As a working woman well ahead of her time Blanche centered her life on her family and passion for travel, friends and experiencing life. Proud of her ability to read and write in Italian she passed on to her children not only stellar advice but a passion for language and travel that has kept the next two generations logging almost as many miles as Blanche.

Blanche and Chrish went to India, Egypt, Morocco, all of Western Europe, the South Pacific and saw a great deal of the United States and Canada. One special trip took them to China the year President Regan re-opened relations.

    With an adventuresome zest for life that never dimmed Blanche lived on her own and only made Vermont her home in the last three years of her life. While she visited daughter Carol and her family often in Addison Blanche never did get the hang of turning Addison County clay into a passable garden. In sharing and celebrating her life in her memory Blanche would not want her best advice to be left out. The following pearls of wisdom were passed on to generations and serve to this day as a conversation starting point when people are gathered to share Blanche stories-

Do not prepare or serve the same meal twice in a month – twice in two months if you can help it.
Do not drink water with your meals.
When we work, we all work.  When we play, we all play.
When I owe you money, mark it on ice.
Spring and fall house cleaning are a legal and moral obligation.
Never ever sit on the bedspread.

    Daughter Carol Spencer reflected on her mother’s presence and legacy to all the generations of the family. “My mother LOVED fashion.  She bought beautiful clothes and matched them with her jewelry and shoes.  She loved to dance.  She was NEVER depressed.” A bargain hunter for clothing Blanche’s first rule of shopping “was to never pay full price for anything except when buying appliances. Always buy top of the line.”

Happiest in her home with her children and grandchildren Blanche also shared some age old tested theories of child raising that came from experience and Italy.

1.  Children sit at the adult table and participate in all family events.
2.  Family comes first, second, third and fourth in your priorities.
3.  I want my children to be American.
4.  My children WILL do well in school.
5.  I want my children to be well-rounded.  They will take ballet lessons, learn to ice and roller skate, dance, horse-back ride, be Girl Scouts, learn languages, etc.
6.  My children WILL go to college and be one of two things-a nurse or teacher.  Take your pick.
Blanche continued to stuff the peppers, peel the garlic and set a beautiful table for family and guests right up until just a few months before her passing. She lived life with a passion that served to motivate her children and her grandchildren as well. Joking in her banter, uncannily accurate in her assessment of people and ferocious in her devotion to her children and family, Blanche, like so many of her generation set the precedent for generations to come. Chuckling about a childhood memory Carol concluded, “When I lit candles for dinner we would laugh and she would quote her own mother.  ‘Blanche-ah, I no canna see.’ ”

    Indeed Blanche we can see. What is illuminated through your life, your children and your stories are the teachings of a woman’s pride in her heritage and for family, a love of country and a realization that America truly is what each generation makes of it. The Valley Voice salutes all of the “Greatest Generation” and reminds us all to look into their lives and hearts for wisdom, faith and tenacity to make the next generation just as strong and full of life.

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