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Thank you to those who are fine, but with finesse

Tuesday April 10, 2007

By Bridget Dorman

   Many of us are comfortable with the predictability of the ritual greeting “how are you?” and the equally ritual response of “fine” or “good, thank you.”  This exchange is polite, appreciated, and conversation can move forward comfortably now that one's state of being has been assessed.  Or rather, now that the custom of asking how one is, and responding that one is well has been fulfilled.  There are not many other appropriate responses to this question when being asked how one is by a total stranger, such as a store clerk, bank teller or mailman.  One could choose to describe a litany of medical problems, go into detail about his or her financial stresses, and on any given day be honest about the lousy day he or she has experienced thus far.  But the formality of the question, and the inevitability of the response cause us to move through this verbal exchange with a monotonous insincerity every day, many times a day, with strangers and friends alike.

    But there are some members of the community who, in his or her own individual way, break the cycle of repetitiveness, and keep us on our toes with their honesty, originality and humor.

    Should you ask Walter Sears how he is, he will most likely respond “fair to midland.”  Another positive soul who has a variation to this response all his own, is Rosie's counter customer, Wyman, who is typically “fair and warmer.”  There are others who are simply pleased to be “above ground” and this alone serves as their response.   Some people may have been asked how they are too early in their day, and perhaps anticipating what is to come, respond “I am not sure yet.” At least you know they have seriously considered the question you have just asked and perhaps they are attempting to supply you with an accurate answer to your question.  Others who answer, “I can't remember,” I assume, have been asked too late.

    When local Win Packard asks you how you are, be prepared to also supply him with the answer of how he is doing as well, for his question “how are you?” is typically followed by “and how am I?”
I appreciate being kept on my toes.  And I aspire to develop my own unique reply to this not so simple question.  “How are you,” is one of the first phrases one learns when studying a foreign language.  It is undoubtedly a welcoming and reassuring question to hear and such an invitation gives us the opportunity to be warm and even amusing in return.

    To aspire to be “good” is a universal goal, and the ultimate achievement would be to feel “fine” all the time.  But, it is a small contribution to think about what you will respond the next time you are asked how you are.  I am thankful there are some who break the cycle of robotic replies and allow their originality to shine through every time they are asked this very familiar question.  Through this simple interaction, and brief exchange of words, their sense of feeling fine becomes contagious.

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